endlessweeks

endlessweeks @ 2007-03-18T18:15:00

2007-04-01T17:20:29Z

Aw, strike me down for being such a grumpy old bag about boys the other day. Cuban boy came round to tend to me this afternoon. And very nice it was too. I'm still a bit ill, but it's at that annoying phase now where I'm ok as long as I don't try and do anything strenuous like sit up or go to the toilet. I am really glad I met cuban boy, I know I don't talk about him much but I see him quite a lot and he always makes me smile. Also, I finished the book sent to me by my misanthropic indie boy and sent it back to him. He sent me a new one, which I discovered by having cuban boy present it to me after picking it up from the hall when he arrived, ow. It was Dragons of Autumn Twilight a horrible, trite, fantasy novel of the kind we've both shamefacedly admitted to loving in our impresionable youths. So I had trashy novels from book boy coupled with grapes, cuddles and sympathy from my Cuban friend. It really cheered me up and I'm feeling very warm and fluffy toward online dating for introducing me to these lovely boys.
Anyway, I've realised I don't talk about Cuban boy really at all and I've not really said anything about what he's actualy like. For the curious I shall attempt to describe him. Cuban boy is a large, hairy, alpha male-y type boy who hates to be ignored, has to be the centre of attention and has a very large but massivley fragile ego. I know it makes him sound like a bit of a dick, but he isn't really. One of the main arguments that he's not a one hundred percent apha twat is that he likes me and I am hardly a pushover. He deals with my stupid bratty practical jokes really well too. My taking him to a vegetarian restauranton our first date, my habit of putting marmite on all food I ever give him to convince him of how wrong he is about Marmite being foul and the particularly annoying one of repetedly calling him 2 minutes before we're supposed to meet, telling him I'm late/miles away/not coming and then ringing the doorbell/knocking on the window/brininging him a drink. He has dreadful sleep apnea too and is always on this very strange sleeping zombie autopilot when he wakes up, not really knowing what he's doing and depending on habit and having things laid out right the night before to get him through. I like to be supportive of this dreadful and debilitating condition by replacing his sensible black work socks with pink ceneile princess/fairy ones and putting buicuits iced with offensive slogans (a bastardidsed version of my friend artist Betty's 'Buiscuits of Truth' series. See below, strapline: Technicaly true, but so much more paletable on a busicuit) in his lunch box. Favorites include "Fight Club is shit" "MaCalister (his boss) is a knob" and "football is bent". I think taking all that juvanile twattery on the chin is the sign of a really decent human, frankly. His favorite pastime is pontification, he likes cooking elaborate and dreadfully rich unhealthy dinners for aynone within spitting distance and once spanked me whilst reading out loud and essay on Rothko's ideas on artisitic willfullness. He's nice, I like him.

endlessweeks @ 2007-02-28T19:32:00

2007-02-28T20:39:38Z

The more eagle eyed of you will have noted from my last few posts that I had my phone stolen, which was why I couldn't cancel the date with book boy. All good you may think, serendipity favours us all, every cloud etc. However, this evening I cannot go out on my 3rd date with book boy as the people who knicked my phone managed to clock up £216 worth international calls to Nigerian mobile numbers in under a day. Nice. I will be posting the number they rang most for you to call and abuse as you wish, but not after I've got some of the Nigerians from work to ring said number and abuse in their native tounge at various ungodly hours. I also canoot pay my mortgage either, but that's not for the pages of a dating blog, other than if I manage to cop off with the overdraught extention man from the Co-op that this charming little incindent has precipitated tomorow.
Anyway, book boy was gratious about my having to cancell and we promissed to spend the hours between 8 and 10 reading whilst pretending the other person is there. (He's also bought me a book he 'thought I might like', could he be any better?) I've got a picture of him on my phone which i shall prop up on the other side of the coffee table.
I did notice a internet dating specific thing the other day, it's another search term observation though, sorry. When I first joined Loopy Love, I was finding it imposible to sift out the boys that I'm utterly disinerested in from the ones I might like, as you generaly search for totaly broad and non specific terms, like age and loactaion and end up with 10 billion (fact) possibles, nearly all of whom are actualy not possibles not at all possible in any way, sort of Zoo and Nuts reading West Ham loveing prehensile mouthbreather types. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure those sorts of boys have a place, in fact I know they do, it's just that it happens to be as far away from me and normal society as it's pysicaly (or inded metaphysicaly) possible to be. However, one of these speicimins might well be 32 and from London, the same way as book boy and cuban boy both are. I was stuck though, wading through all the unsutable boys was making me feel lonley, depressed and frankly, homicidle, but I couldn't work out how to filter the icky ones out, it's certainly not with a money earning search as Cuban Boy is loaded and book boy is skint and that's just got nothing to do with anything anway. So in the end, as a way of sifting out the TSTYGEEZUZ4U types, I had to start using a 'highest level of education' search and stipulating that I only wanted university educated types. This really makes me uncomfortable, firstly as I am aware that I don't have a university or even 6th form level education and secondly, I don't lie about it on my profile as I'm really not interested in anyone who would search using those terms as they would clearly be utter wankers, but what's a girl to do, eh? You can't do an interrests search or a 'people i would actualy like' search but I'd really like to stop this education bolocks thing, any suggestions?

endlessweeks @ 2007-02-25T01:03:00

2007-02-25T01:34:01Z

Just got back from date number two with my book loving boy, it's really proving a most odd but really thrilling and interesting internet dating experience. I do love books and I'm kinda keen on book loving boy too. Funny how an evening spent in what is basicaly a solitary persuit can make me totaly fancy my co-ignorer. He's really rocking the sexy ugly, geek chic thing that really works on me. He has a beard tells me his last weeks eating habits and an odoor that tells me his last 10 year's washing habbits (scanty, I belive is the most likely). I think it's the smell and the frankly heroic length of his beard that stops him being on of those irritating wet book boys, the kind who like coy girls and wishes they were the thoughtfull frontman of a Glasgow indie band. It's funny, the kind of boy I like is just millimeters from such a sappy specemin but just one vital degree away from a slight edge and I go from bitting my lip and growling under my breath in a good way to bitting my lip from frustration and growling as I'm about to pounce in a warlike, rather than sexual fasion. The little differences are apparent in book loving boy. For instance, no *really* fey boy would have a beard that long, it's too confrontational and although he is of the cardigan and army bag variety he is still, thankfully, more than able to beat me in an arm wrestle and pull me up in full mocking fasion if I say something stupid/pretentious/plain incorrect.
To my intense joy boy did not try to make conversation with me at the start of this date other than to tell me his new house mate is a DJ and he's not been able to get past the first line of the 6th chapter of Closley Observed Trains in nearly a week, then promplty bury his nose as far into siad book and keep it there for the next three quaters of an hour. Being a massive attenion seeking child, normaly I would find this in some way offnesive, but with him, I just don't. I had arrived first and was mid way through a particualrly gripping bit of The Secret Purposes when he sat down, so I just lifeted my eyes from the page long enough to take him and his choice of novel in before just going back to it. There's really something silly and brave in what we're doing, even if it is all dreadfully self aware. We are sharing a very deep and important part of oursefls with each other, the part that would rather be satreading in a comfy chair than almost anything else, esecaily all that fucking tedious getting to know you claptrap that we usualy subject ourselvefs to on dates.
We had one decent coversation on the way to our respective bus stops, though. I've given up smoking in the last week or two and every so often i need to have an impassioned little rant about how much I love smoking and everything connected to it. The poor boy got that full in the face, waited for me to finish, pulled a fag out of his fey army bag, lit it, blew the smoke in my face and walked off laughing.
This is fun.

endlessweeks @ 2007-02-18T13:11:00

2007-02-18T13:12:48Z

I wouldn't have thought it could possibly happen, especialy this early on in my online dating oddesy, but it has. A minor miricle of human empathy and understanding. The perfect date.
I had this mythical engagment this evening with a Loopy Love boy, I was meeting him in Camden at 7pm, but come 6 o clock, was lying prone on my bed utterly engrossed in my book. (The Tortilla Curtain if you'd like to know, by T.C Boyle, or T Conressan Boyle if you're an old school fan. I am of course, irritating literary snob that I am) It's a right depressing little tale, but brilliantly writen and utterly, consumingly, brain-fryingly gripping. One of those everything slowly boils and boils until you're practicaly speed reading trying to get to the boiling point where the head knocks off the kettle and starts singing from the exploding steam. Woh, perhaps getting a little carried away there, but you get the idea, I didn't want to sit in some noisy weekend Camden eaterie and make small talk with a stranger, is what I'm getting at. I wanted to stay in my pjamas on my sofa, smoke myself into a stupor and finish my goddamn book. I would have cancelled too, but I've lost my mobile and I didn't have the guy's number anywhere else. 'So hang it', I thought, 'I've got to fuckpissingly get going', grudgingly threw on some vaugley presentable clothes, waved my hairbrush in the general direction of my scalp and sloped grupmily to the bus stop. I didn't want to go though, and all the way there I read my book, I even did that annoying thing of reading it while I walked down the road. My slightly irritated mood must've made me shimmy along slightly faster than my usual half arsed gait becasue I was 15 minutes early which is, trust me, not a usual occurance. Good good, more reading time. I bearly grunted "diet coke" at the waitress before throwing myself back into the book so hard I got ink on the tip of my nose and skid marks on my corneas.
In an all too quick paragraph or so date arrives, I make a good face of being pleased to see him rather than my actual feeling which is to seaze the salt cellar, ram it up his nose whilst shouting, "there's something wrong with the baby, I know it and for God's sake it can't end as grimly as it's being going on, or everyone should just kill themselvefs and if the World is that nasty, what's the point? Now, sod the fuck off, I've got another eighty pages to go." First thing date asks me is what I'm reading, turns out he's just finshed 'Budding Prospects" another TC Boyle masterpiece. We have a little TC Boyle fan club love in for a bit and it turns out that we share the same favorite short story, the Boyle one where it rains blood for a day. (TC is not light holiday reading, I think you'll have got that by now). As date is clearly a big reader I ask him what he's into at the moment and joy of joys it's "The Stars My Destination" a childhood favorite of mine (I was the only child of a sci-fi geek, what chance did I have?) Then comes the beautiful moment, the peroid of sicroniyisty that little girls dream of in their bedrooms whilst thinking of their far off in the future mate. He says, "to be honest, I'm so into this book I almost cancelled, I'm not sure how good a company I'm going to be tonight, I can't think about anyting other than what the hell's going to happen next" I pause, look at him, take a deep breath and say "me too, how'd you feel about just sitting here and reading, instead of yammering away about nothing whilst both secretly resenting each other" He says "I think that might be the perfect date" As you may have gathered from my somewhat over awed desprition at the beggining, I agree with him.
So, we spend two hours sat in silence, separatly engrosed in our respective novels. Topping up the tea and ordering food we can eat with our fingers without looking at. It's bliss. Total bliss, I could marry this man, really. The serandipady dosn't end there niether. I finish my book, pause for a second to take in the ending, look up at boy and he's finished too. So you know what we do? We swop books. Without a word, he hands his battered orange jacketed sci-fi classic to me and I hand my semi prestene (i'm a fast reader) purple jacketed moderenist satire over to him. Another two hours pass. We get tired of reading, he says 'this is fucking gripping, can I borrow it"? Of course he can, and I borrow his too. I'm meeting him again next week to swop back. It's like the splinters under the fingernails thing from the other day, I feel utterly close and connected to this bookish human, we had an understanding. We are both bookish nerds. Crazy Cuban boy has a competetor.

endlessweeks @ 2007-02-14T17:50:00

2007-02-15T00:50:34Z

Well, there are many a varied ways for boys to get themselves to stand out in a girl's inbox amongst the swamping mass of desperate, begging crapola, particularly at this time of year. I've had a veritable digital slew of different aproaches wend their hopefull way to my inbox over the past few months; amusing type pictures, naked type pictures, clearly knicked from GQ and not them type pictures, cock shots, butt shots, car shots, suggestions that they went to my school, suggestions that I get the same train as them, sugestions that they know my mother's sisters wig fitter, offers of money, offers of sex and even the odd person who bothers to type without using ball bastard text speak. However, this is my favorite of all the 'unusual aproaches' I've had. Have a peek into my online dating world, but make sure you're not in somewhere like a librey/courtroom/crematorium as you read on, where an audible reaction would be unapreciated.

Here's the first missive

Seduced by your ravishing pose,
The arch of your foot,your delectable toes,
You suspenderd in animation,
I'll spank you for your delectation.
Play out your submissive role,
Tease,tantalise and cajole.
A porno puss-in-boots rather slinky.
Let's get up to something kinky.

A hard act to follow, I'm sure you'll agree, but he gives it his best shot with:

Sweet little maid Rosie,
Shall I send you a posie.?
Would you offer your throat of alabaster,
Swoon before the Count,your lustful Master.
Whilst you lie so prettily and demure,
A captured soul of one not so pure.
Now corrupted,still fresh and willing,
Which part of you's in need of filling?

Keatsian, I'm sure you'll agree, and he don't give up easy, oh no.

Dear Rosie,little mystery maid,
Do make sure that I'm obeyed;
A strick instruction and request.
Your stockings off at my behest.
Revealed your scented toes so sweet,
Your shapely ankle,your pretty feet.
Thinking of the ties that bind.
I'll trust you up and you won't mind.

This man is 35 and is wearing a monicle in his photo. It's so nearly great, but so actualy fucking jawdropingly just, I don't know, horrific. I'm all for arty misfits, but this guy is just a dick. And one who can't take a hint either.

My guess is that this guy just may
Not have a date for valantines day
He's asked 10 girls but none are coming
Guess he'll have to stick with bumming.

In other news, I have always boycotted Valantines Day as I think it's horrible in billions of seperate and distinct ways, however this year my friend Laura and I have chosen to mark it by going to a posh restaurant and having a vicious row. I'm quite looking forward to it. I'll let you know how it goes next instalment.
Plus points to crazy Cuban boy (yes, he's still around. I like him, he's growley) for also thinking the whole Valantines thing is a pile of unmitigated wankery and chosing to go round his mums house in Essex and watch musicals with her.

endlessweeks @ 2007-02-11T21:24:00

2007-02-11T21:26:17Z

My friend iamwearingahat has just joined lj. She's joined me in online dating. She is hilarious, even if she is a total copier. Read her.

endlessweeks @ 2007-02-07T18:37:00

2007-02-07T19:45:11Z

Just been on a date, nice, civilised lunch date. Nice guy, much much older than me as is my wont. Buisness man, lived all over the world, likes books, reads em in French when he can. Something a bit sort of, tired about him in that way that older people sometimes have. Like he works too hard and he dosn't know why he does it anymore but he can't stop becaese he can't think of anything else to do and he can't quite work out where all the fucking time has gone and what he's done with it. Not that I make snap, pretentious, aspiring to the middle brow, judgemtns about people or anything and he did wear a natty yellow scarf to counter this Eeore-esque air and how beaten can you be if you chose to wear yellow of your own free will?
Anyway, we had long talks about stuff, I once again made a carnivore go to a vegitarian retaurant but this one was very open to it. He enjoyed not feeling like his 'guts were full of minced guts' after he'd eaten, so plus marks for him from the get go. Anyway, we're getting on all nice, he's interested in me, i'm interested in him blah de datey blah then suddenly, he just talks about his 'current wife', just like that, flap. Turns out he's married, has been for 14 years. Now, it was lucky he was paying for lunch because the artichoke heart i coughed accross the room when he told me was at least a quids worth. I gave him a mini, "well what the hell are you doing here" speachathon, but luckily didn't get fully into outraged of Tunbridge Wells mode as it is a smoking restaurant so my nerves were slightly less frazzeled than they might have been. So, after the initial shock I talk to him about it. Turns out he's happily, happliy married, loves his wife and thinks of her as his partner in every way. However, 5 years into their realtionship she develops bi-polar disorder (more nutter magnet evidence, seems mine is so strong it attracts even those who are conected to the mental.) She is successfully medicated, or as successfully as anyone with that nasty illness ever can be, and so most of the time he gets to be with his wife and when she's sick her corking medical insurance pays up and off she pops to a nice private hosiptal for a month or two, comes out is a bit wobbly for a while and then is okay again. The one problem is her medication has totaly removed her sex drive, completly, like it was never there so he has everything he could want in a marrage, but not sex. He also dosn't like having one night stand type sex and couldn't bring himself to visit a prositiute and so searches for a more meaningfull sexual realtionship with someone who dosn't mind not having him all to themselves and thinks that
the best way to do that is internet dating. I guess what he's after is a little poly-ish from what I know about that stuff (which is not much.) In the end, I declined, but more as I didn't really fancy him that much, be we did have a very interesting and thoughtfull discusion about fidelity in marrage and what long term marrage really means and if it matters that sex isn't part of his. Enlightening, but no leg over. Blast.

Paying for it

2007-01-22T15:01:46Z

I've just thought of another thing that's wiered about all this internet datingstuff and if I'm on my soap box allready, I don't see why I shouldn't stay here and save my self the leg work of constantly getting on and of it all the time, it gets a little hard on the knees after a while, you know? I went out for a date with a boy I met on Loopy Love, he was really pretty nice but he'd been having problems with depression and stuff (what is it about me, have I ticked the Florence Nightingale box on my profile without realising it? flipping nutbars all over the show.) He's not working at the moment and had come all the way from some dismal little satlite town to see me and I feel nothing but sympathy for him and his situation. Now, we stayed in the restauraunt for ages nattering, drinking coffees etc and so the bill, when it came, was rather heafty and I just put my card down to pay it, being has how I've got moeny and he's not working, it's not a man woman thing, it's a simple matter of practicality. I just said "don't worry, I'll get this one". He then gets a bit shitty about it. Not in a, no it's ok, i'll get half way or anything actualy helpfull to the situation but sort of acting like I'd just scorned him or something. I can only assume this was some macho-arse, I'm the man and you're imascualting me by paying yawn a thon. But for fucks SAKE are we not past this sort of crap by now? I mean, it's not like i went at his dick with my butter knife and talked about how I like the seahorse aproch to child rearing, I mearly payed for dinner. I wore make up and a low cut top, flirted with him, twisted bits of my hair round my fingers and giggled at all his jokes, I'm clearly not against debasing myself in the name of impossed feminitiy, but I do like to think that I'm just playing at gender roles and the boys are playing back in the same gentle way. I've always split the bill with everyone up till now, I can afford it, and not like I need to save up for my dowery or anything, but should I just be doing that whole 'i'm the girl and I expect you to pay for everything' bullcrap so as not to bruise the delicate male ego? I mean, there's no WAy I'm going to do that, in fact from now on I'm going to pay for all dinners and keep a running tally of behaviour. God, perhaps feminism is just an elaborate ruse to make bloody minded women pay for everything. Damn it! It's all too confusing, perhaps I shouldn't worry my pretty little head about it and leave it up to the big strong boys to work out for me.

endlessweeks @ 2007-01-20T01:12:00

2007-01-20T01:52:45Z

Well, crazy Cuban boy is snoring peacfully behind me, so I thought, "what better time to filll the world in on my flighty internet dating adventures"?, The answer, in case you were wondering, is no better time, unless he'd just proposed to me or something. He's cute, I like him. But will that keep me from the wider world of boys I hear you wondering? Well, frankly, not bloody likley and this'd be a pretty shit dating blog if it did.
I meant to talk about the dating aims thing on my last post but I got distracted by my (and boy's) bilogical clocks, not that it's ticking at me or anything I have enough strech marks as it is and I can bearly remeber to change my pants everyday, let alone take care of a tiny, helpless human and one that needs its pants changing hourly. To get back to the point (at least for now). If you remember, I slept with a boy who was kind of into me and I wasn't overly keen on in any long term sort of way. I liked him, he was really clever, but the fact that he was clearly looking for something serious made me break it off earlier than perhaps I normaly would have done as I didn't want to mislead anyone and yeah, I coudl perhaps have thought of that beofre I got all intamate and naked with him, but I didn't, ok, I'm a rampant horn beast at the moment and he was all tousle-haired and cute, what's a girl to do? Thinking about his feelings the next day is still pretty ok, right? Anyway, we had a long talk about the whole thing and I think he was pretty upset which made me feel like an utter, utter cow. The next day he sent me a long email with his slightly more collected thoughts in, it was really lovely and dignified and honest and just cool. In it, he told me he'd never had a one night stand beofre in his life which kind of shocked me, and though he enjoyed it he'd probably learned why he shouldn't do it again. Isn't the perceived gender reversal interesting? As I said in my previous post, I've been getting that a bit recently. God, I'm STILL rambling off the point, must remeber to take Ritalin before posting in future, anyway one of the things he said in his email was that I should probably untick the 'interested in long term dating' bit in my profile because that's not activly what I'm looking for. I thought about that quite a bit (work's kinda slow this time of year) and I decided that as I don't know exactly what I'm looking for, apart from an interesting experience, I'm leaving all options open. If I met a fabulous all singing all dancing boy who sweped me off my feet I wouldn't shy from a long term thing, it's just that becasue I'm not activly looking that they'd have to be preety diverting (particualrly loud snore from Cuban boy there, perhaps he can decode my typing noise in his sleep). It's the same sort of thing as having to describe what your ideal partner is, I have no idea and I wouldn't liek to put anyone off just becasue they're blonde and I've had to tick an ideal hair colour box. (I like a swarthy guy, I must admit). I'm excited by the thought of meeting interesting people and that's about the limit of what I feel comfortable prescribing at this point. It does seem to be a problem with dating sites that you have to specify so much information about yourself and who you would like to meet that people may be being writen off just by very dint of softward forcing preferences. I dunno, maybe I'm just trying to justify hurting someones feelings by being a bit of a slut or perhaps the truest answer would have been, I'm interested in long term dating, just not with you.
Answers on a bit of bog roll to be flushed down the loo.

endlessweeks @ 2007-01-19T16:53:00

2007-01-19T17:47:13Z

Well, it's been a while, eh? Sorry, I'm crap. But I've been having an interesting time internet dating wise. I'm still seeing crazy Cuba boy, he's Lovely and filthy as all hell, and really, what more can you ask for than that? I've still been out on some dates though just to keep things interesting, one with a boy that really liked me but I was'nt too sure about. I slept with him, (are you sencing a theme?) and came up against a strange thing that I seem to have been metting with my online dating adventures, namley he took sex a lot more seriously than I did and was rather hurt when I broke it off with him. I don't know if this is just something that's come up due to my age (I'm 30) so people are looking for more serious stuff or if I just like drippy, emotional boys (they are the best ones). When last I was dating we were all in our 20s so noone was interested in getting beyond the second date, let alone getting all cry faced if they got some no strings sex. Nowadays, things seem to have all changed, but withuot me knowing. I do'nt think I really like the idea of having my ovarys sniffed by boys looking to 'settle down' (gasp of horror). I'm perfectly happy to be single forever if I don't find the right boy and I would only even consider any long term thing on the basis of exactly who that person was, I'd never look out a sutible candiate, as it were. I don't take a good husband checklist to dinner or whip out my ovarian monitor and franitcly take my teparature whilst liying with my legs in the air after sex.
Perhaps it's different for girls as we can have children on our own if we feel the burning desire for them, if time starts to march on us we just nip down the local sperm baqnk with a turkey baster and hey presto, along comes junior, but boys have to snare a womb to do it with. Poor boys, I always feel qenuinly sorry for all my male friends who are desparate for children but can't do it as they havn't found a woman to do it with, they just have to watch the years trip by in quite a helpless way whereas, if I felt the need to have a baby, well, then I just would. I have a cunning plan to get together with a load of female friends and pool our, megre though they are, resorses, buy a big house, split it into flats and all ahve babies together so we can still work. As crazy sort of boyfirend says - "it's so nice to be utterly redudant".
More on dating next time, I was going to talk about being told off for ticking the long term dating box when I wasn't neccacarily after that, but I can do that next time.
Goodbye from dating cenral.
x

endlessweeks @ 2006-11-25T06:29:00

2006-11-25T06:29:39Z

I never sleep. And it's not even interesting things keeping me up, stupid dating site IMs. No dates this weekend although I seem to have agreed to see Mr Black and White again, I shall talk about wheather I should or not later. For now, bed is calling me and since it's half six in the morning, its voice is getting rather horse and I don't want a cough or a larynx node on my conscience.

endlessweeks @ 2006-11-20T14:49:00

2006-11-22T14:49:55Z

Ok, so, well, Mr Keen Friday had to blow me out as he wasn't well, I'm gonna see him this week instead. So 'boo to a dating blog with no dates' you say and I say, but wait, would I do that to you? There is a date. Last night Mr Black and White came to visit me at work (I do the door at a nightclub), I'd logged into my dating site, http://www.loopylove.com just before I'd left for work and he was on the messenger thing there so we arranged for him to come down, it threw my 'fuck it, i'm going in my tracky bottoms' dress plans out somewhat but I could just about live with it. So I'm all dolled up and everyone I work with knows there's something up becasue the tracky bottoms thing is not a rare occurance and I'm all cheerfull with the punters. Then, about 11.30, there he is and you know what? In that tiny first second I know it's not happening. Not becasue he looks like he sleeps in a skip 9 nights out of 10, because I like that look, not becasue he's too short or too tall or too blond or whatever, but because it's just not. Isn't that funny? We've got a lot in common, he's clever (maths at oxford), he's my typical 'type' (old, fucked, nerdy and a heavy smoker, in case you were wondering) there are no aquard pauses in our conversation and he's not a moron or nasty or anything like that, I'm just not into it. Not that I don't take him back to my bed or aynthing, I obviously (if you know me at all) do that, I'm just not that interested in anything he has to say, sorry to use a cliche here, but there's just no 'spark'.
One thing I do wonder though, I'm about a year out of an 8 year relationship and is it just that I'm so used to my ex that anything else seems a bit, well wrong? Anyway, I'll not go into all that messy stuff, I'll just get straight on the bedroom stuff, shall i? Somehow, he ends up back at my house, I'm not quite sure how, then a few hours later and even more comfusingly, ends up in my bed, with me. I'm clearly not *that* into it as I appear to have somehow made it into bed with him in his pants and me fully dressed, but I'm not kicking him out or anything, so he's clearly not goign to give up just yet. It's not a yeeeaah, but then it's not exactly a no either.
In the end I decide to kiss him and see if that makes me want to do anything and you know what? It dosn't, it really does not. Kissing him feels like eating in a very brightly lit restaurant, uncomfortably aware of the pysical realities of what you're doing with all the losing yourself to sesnastion pleasure taken out of it.
What I want to know is, HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME? Now, as I say, I've been attached for years and years but before that I was always up for a bit of casual sex, i say bit, but I may well mean any sniff of it whatsoever, at all, anywhere at anytime. So what's happened to change it? My suspition is this, that it feeds back to what makes me slightly uncomfortable about online dating namely, the lack of spontinaiety, of excitment or that frisson that someone is out with you becasue they've met you and like you and it's all go. Perhaps I'm just a thrill seeking type, but I think I found not just the rolling around in bed, but also the whole dating arangment a bit sterile. No thrill of the chase, no eye contact, no doubt about wheather they're going to stay talking to you depsite their mates in the corner. Or who knows, perhaps he's just a boring git.
x

endlessweeks @ 2006-11-17T16:54:00

2006-11-17T16:54:36Z

Well, my original hypothesis of not everyone who does internet dating can be a scary nutcase, looks like it's hanging on by a thread before I've even met the first guy. The boy I'm meeting tonight has already texted me, TWICE, to remind me about it, when we only set it up the night before. Now, he may just be a lovely, warm, open and entusiastic person and I may be a bitter, joyless old cynic but I'm afriad I fear that the horrible old, 'urgh, you're a bit keen aren't you, looser' chestnut might be coming into play. Now, I've recently met a differnt boy on Loopy Love, let's call him Mr Black and White, who I really like, can't say what it is about him that appeals and how on earth I could possibly tell by IM alone, but I just think he's great. So what do I immediatly do? Block him on messenger and make like I'm not thinking about him and I'm *frightfully* busy being all interesting and glamerous around town. So, I am clearly a cunt and mister Australian Friday is a darling for being excited and letting on that he is. I’m still disheartend before I’ve even met Mr Friday though, and Mr Black and White is still mildly hovering for inaccsesable me.
Overkeenness is a deffinate turn off for pretty much everyone on Earth, I think and I’ve have some mildly alarming experiances already in my short time online. One person googled my handle and joined up anchient messageboards ect and mailed me through there whilst also friending all my friends and messaging them. I don't think he was mental, I think he was ADD, like me, so I had a quiet word with him about it and he calmed down. But I don't think other people had been as nice to him.
It's dreadfull that I'm an adult and I'm still playing all these stupid, push me pull you games, but it's just that I know that if I don't, things won't go as well. Also, I am an EXTREMLY excitable person and often go all full beam on people and freak them out. It's my ADD, honest. I'm just as likley to be bored to death of them in a few weeks, turn my headlamps to the highway and rev off to the next interesting thing, but people don't know that and they get all freaked out. I get cross about that, but I do the same thing with Mr Friday, so if *I* get all, "pshwah back off mr keen" about it, what do normal un faddy passionate types get like with me? I am a hypocryte, mind you, aren't we all? Stupid phsycology, why can't it be 'oh I like him, ohh, i think he likes me, hooray, party time, whip off your pants'? What is it that makes us want something more if we think we can't have it and surly, surely I'm going to grow out of this bullshit. Right?
x

endlessweeks @ 2006-11-15T21:22:00

2006-11-15T21:22:20Z

Got a date on Friday. Hooray for http://www.loopylove.com. He's Australian, but he has freckles so it's swings and roundabouts. Wish me luck!

endlessweeks @ 2006-11-15T17:51:00

2006-11-15T17:51:51Z

I thought interent dating would be interesting and so far, it seems I was right, I've not even been on a proper date yet and I'm already stuck on a thought provoking little skinnet as far as profile ettiquette is concerned. On Loopy Love, where my profile is housed the terms you can use to describe your body type are a little, well, blunt shall we say. I've gone for 'a little overweight' becasue, you know, I am a little overweight. Hoever, that's according to my estimations, another person might consider me very overwieght to a degree they find unatractive and going out on a date with someone who is put off by my size ain't gonna be great for my self esteeme. Then again, if you're not going to have blatent descriptions what do you use? Other sites I've seen have uphamistic terms like "curvacious" or "ample" which don't really have much of a set meaning and I just find them annoying. Especialy as I fear there maybe some special internet meaning attached to each desctiption that I don't know about and am getting wrong as I'm an old lady looser who's hopelessly out of touch. If there was a button says "I'm fat, but I'm still sexy, promise" I'd pick that. What about "I'm less fat than her, but it dosn't suit me and I hate myself for it so it's a bit of a disatser" button, or the "I'm of a perfictly normal weight, but have a problem with my self image" which could easily be twinned with "I'm perfictly normal but am fishing for both sympathy and compliments by pretending I'm bigger than I am"
In all seiousness though when I log in my heart sinks a tiny bit when I see, "Endlessweeks is a 29 year old single woman from London who earns 25-28 thousand pounds a year and is a bit overweight." There's space for a little literary gentleness even in internet dating.
Issue number two with internet dating is when they ask about your income. I don't care about money in the slightest so when I saw that I thought "that dosn't matter to me and I don't want to go out with anyone who's bothered about how much I earn, I object in a very self rightious manner". However, to my horror, I've found that I do look at it and a nasty part of me thinks, you earn less that 14 grand? What a looser. I mean, if someone was great in every other way then I wouldn't be arsed in the slightest but I do use it as a point against thing, which is wrong of me. There is an intrinsic judgment that even people like me can't help making inherent in it. I know if you’re looking for a husband/wife/kids situation it might matter to you, but it shouldn’t really and you certaintly shouldn’t be able to make that sort of judgment before you’ve even met. It’s a private matter, surely to be shared when you know if you can at least can bear to be in each other's company. I might change mine to something utterly ridicuolsy over or under realistic firstly to make a point and secondly to weed out those too stupid to realise I'm simply making a stand.

endlessweeks @ 2006-11-09T19:00:00

2006-11-09T19:00:57Z

Well, I'm happily single and pretty busy, but I really like the idea of internet dating. It can't all be freaks and wierdos, right? I've joined http://www.LoopyLove.com, got myself a proper membership and off I go.